Biographies::What's in a check 20050528

From R-KIDS of MN and GPF

I am a 30 yr old mother of a 9 year old girl. The biological father and I broke up before her birth. After she was born he visited with her less and less. By the time she was a year old she was no longer making the effort at all. I became involved with my now husband and we moved to his home town. I started to make a new life for myself without the father. He made no efforts to visit his daughter, he didn't pay child support, he basically disappeared from my life. When my daughter was three the state of Kansas, where we lived at the time, requested a DNA test to establish paternity. All parties complied and the facts were confirmed. Because I was getting assistance from the state, they started pursuing child support. When my daughter was about 3 1/2 I started receiving support, which I have received almost regularly since. I believe this is because they garnish his checks, otherwise it would be too much effort. For the next 5 1/2 years we have lived our lives without the father. I have received very little help from him($150.00 a month) and have not asked anything of him.

Can you tell me why I should have to justify to anyone how I spend the little bit of money I get? I think in certain circumstances it is appropriate to ask where the money is going. Like if the parents spend the same amount of time with the child, if they make the same amount of money, if they have like sized families, if the child seems under cared for, if one parent thinks the other is wasting the money. If the fathers only contribution is a third or less of what others are paying and the child spends no time eating in his house or does not do any living in his house than what is the point? By the way the $33.23 that arrives at my house once a week goes in my gas tank so I can get back and forth from work. Sometimes it pays for food when we need milk or bread. I think there are some people in this world that expect the mother to just hand over these checks to the children. If the parents had stayed together would the father just give his child a check once a week. For that matter would the father need to know what exactly the fifty bucks he gave the mother went to. To me the whole idea of justifying where the money went is ridiculous. These fathers only want to know because it bugs them they have to give up their hard earned money to the mother(who they most likely can't stand and probably don't like anymore).

I'm all for fathers rights. Believe me, I've seen what the good intentioned men are going thru. I just think we should fix what is wrong not put more responsibility on the mother. I say let's give the fathers who are good to their kids custody more often. I mean when the mother is boozin' it up all week on the fathers dime and the courts says hey let's give her another opportunity to screw the kids up, come on already. Why do these judges keep siding with the mother. Whoever is the better parent should have the kids. If the parents are equally well intentioned and work equally hard at raising the kids shouldn't we let them live during the school week with one and on the weekend with the other. What is this every weekend crap. Honestly lets just buy a duplex and the kids can sleep every night at moms and the other nights at dads. Look I know there are creative people out there who can help people figure this stuff out. So where are they, sittin' on their butts watching TV?

I know it is wishful thinking to imagine people coming together for the sake of growing up well rounded adults. It just feels good to let all that irritation out of my system finally.

Thanks for hearing me.