Biographies::Biography Of The Week 20040930

From R-KIDS of MN and GPF

I was introduced to this organization by one of your members recently that works for the same agency as I do. He idicated to me that I could inquire about information as well as share some info since this case that I will discuss and another in my past may help your cause and mine.

To give some insight, I am a divorced 34 yr old father of three boys ages 11, 9, & 3. I reside in a small northern Minnesota town that presents a great atmosphere to raise young boys. I am an investigator for a government agency and work with statutes and attorneys on a regular basis. I have been researching custody, divorce, and domestic statutes since 1996. I probably have seen as much case law and reviews of higher courts as most attorneys practicing today. The following story will no doubt anger some, but for others it will just be business as usual and just another story showing the lack of "EQUAL PROTECTION UNDER THE LAW".

I was married for 7 years to my first wife when she decided that another man and alcohol were better than being a responsible partner. This grew to an acrimonious separation that cost $50,000 plus to litigate on each side. The typical allegations were made of abuse to gain an edge in the custody battle only to result in an admission by the complainant that they were untrue near the end of a four day trial. The typical allegations of a dead-beat dad and that I had never changed a diaper were in the transcript. After four days of trial including extreme manipulation of the court system, my ex-wife was given an award of sole custoody without any of the advantages that go with it. For example, she is required to remain in the school district where we reside, she doesn't get child support, I have the children half of every week, tax deductions for the children are mine, and we split the medical. Sounds like a joint custody arrangement to me.... This arrangement clearly has proven over the last 8 years to be successful as my children are both top of there respective classes and exceed the national standards in reading, arithmetic, and language. Additionally, I was awarded substantial monies for attorney fees from the opposing side by the judge as a result of her perjurous activity during litigation. At the time, I was not happy with the outcome because I wanted "Sole Custody". Now looking back on it, I feel the judge made a fair decision, what we would call "IN THE BEST INTEREST OF THE CHILDREN". For those of you who want to cite this appelate case law, it can be found on the Minnesota Courts website under published appelate opinions, Crosby vs. Crosby. The Judge presiding for the district trial court was the Honorable Paul Rassmussen. The name should ring a bell for some as you had a story of him on the website previously where he let a mom take her child to Washington. The following story will sound like a totally different Judge presided over the recent case surrounding the custody litigation of my third son.

My recent relationship started in June of 2000. I met a women at my all school reunion and started a long-distance relationship. During the dating preiod everything seemed to be fine although she didn't seem to have a lot of energy. She showed signs that she liked my other two children from my previous relationship. In December of that year she became pregnant with our son as a result of not taking her pills for three consecutive days. She continued to work at her location of 5 hours away up until she relocated to my town in July of the following year. During the pregnancy I traveled 5 hours to attend pre-natal visits, and support her. I attended nearly all of the visits when she relocated up here also. We were engaged to be married and intended to make a complete family. After our son was born, I was shocked to see the inadequacies in her as far as parenting was concerned. She wanted nothing to do with the child as far as genearl care and dealing with a crying baby. I was shocked to say the least, as this was her first child. This no doubt was precipitated by the never-ending interference by her mother and father. The fact that they never let her learn from her mistakes no doubt contributed to her self-centered and selfish attititude toward life. I returned to college temporarily at this point in time as I was recovering from surgery to my wrist. I was enrolled in 24 credits of senior level finance courses at the local university.  !2-16 credits is a normal load for most students. I was getting up every 2 hours with the child and studying in between so this new mother could sleep through the night. She stayed home the first six weeks, but almost went back early as she was fed up with parenthood already. My son didn't slept until 8 weeks when we discovered his digestive problem and put him on the proper formula. Thereafter he was what most would call an easy baby. My fiancee continued to be engrossed in her work as a nurse at the local same day surgery center. Her scedule changed every week and sometimes daily. She went to work at 5:30 and sometimes didn't get home until 8:30 at night. Our daycare was only open 6 to 6 and nearly all of the days I would drop him off and pick him up. Every time the child was sick I stayed home with him cause she said she couldn't put her co-workers in a bind at work. My job as an investigator allowed me the flexibility to accomodate my son's needs. I stayed home with him on Monday's also. She would call up balling the few times she did take our son somewhere by herself and asked me to come and get him. She even wore earplugs when driving in her car with my son. At my brother's wedding, which we both attended, people came up to my stepmother and asked if I was a widower. During these times she became very critical of my two other children and would be fast to yell or jump on them verbally. She took anti-depressants for 2 1/2 months for post pardom. During this period of time and others, she readily consumed alcohol. As a nurse she knows that alcohol is not to be consumed while taking anti-depresants. Furthermore, EFFEXOR is a very strong anti-depressant bordering a neural altering drug. When our son was 6 months old I noticed she had a cut across the width of her wrist. I inquired about the injury and she stated that she did this at work, cut it on a countertop. A few days later I again raised this issue and said I found it hard to believe as she was working in a new facility that was jsut recently inspected for safety hazards. She then broke down to tears and admitted that she had tried to commit suicide. Another time she dropped the child while in the carseat on the driveway cement when her sister and her were going to her parents house. Yes, she was drunk then too. My mother throughout this relationship stated to me that she felt she was going to leave with the child after I had raised him to a stage where she could handle him. I had some feelings of this, but chose to look for the good in her and I knew that even if I had to forego my happpiness, my son would be safe since he was still in my home and under my care. During my son's first b-day, she was sleeping in our room and I had a b-day party for him myself. She stated he was too young and wouldn't remember if he had one or not. In the winter of 2003, she went with the neighbor, who was sleeping around on her husband and separated, to a Def Leopard concert in the Twin Cities. While there, she was by her own admission sexually molested by one of this neighbor's friends while engaging in large amounts of alcohol consumption. This was not the only promiscuous activity in our relationship. She also involved herself with two other men at a WE FEST concert while I was working as a securty guard. She also spent four days at another concert with a mutual friend of ours at Moondance Jam, even while I was present. Later I found out from the neighborhood babysitter that he was over to our house at least ten times while I was gone with all of the children. In september of 2003, she was out for supper with the neighbor who goes out 6 nights per week. This guy, who was spending a lot of time with her as discussed previously, met them out that night. I called her to see if something went wrong and if she was coming home to watch the movie we had planned for that night. She indicated she was going to stay out and I could hear his voice in the background. Later that morning, she came home stumbling drunk. An argument ensued and I poured a pitcher of cold water over her to sober her up so to speak. Wrong move on my part. That one action, eventhough harmless in nature, set the stage for the problems that I present to you today. During the rest of the evening, I was assaulted twice in the groin area by her and I ended up ripping the pocket off of her pants. Although she was not the recipient of physical violence by me during the evening, I was given a summons to appear in court for an OFP and a fifth degree domestic criminal charge. She got her OFP as most do. The criminal charge went to a full blown jury trial and I was aquitted of all charges by a jury made up mostly of women. After being aquitted of theses charges which require the same type of proof as the OFP, I asked for new trial based on the impeaching and perjurous testimony that diferentiated from the OFP hearing. Addditionally, and most important, medical evidence was allowed in on the criminal trial that was not in the OFP hearing. The medical evidence showed she was seeing a doctor for a bruising disorder due to excessive use of medication. I was denied a new trial. Turns out that, or so the judge said, there is no allowance for a new trial in an OFP hearing. I guess the civil procedures and rules of trial only apply to the other litigation. I guess depending on what type of trial you are in, you may or may not get to have your right to DUE PROCEESS UNDER THE LAW. Sounds like a case for the Supreme Court to me. You can also guess which guy was one of the wittnesses at the OFP hearing. After this alleged event, she lived with me for 8 more days. We went to church in the following days , to the mall, to b-day parties, to all kinds of functions just like normal. Not until she had decided she wanted to leave after talking with her parents, did she go the police department to make a statement. The complaint had all of the points that are layed out for domestic abuse as outlined in the Battered Women's website. She knew what to say before she went in. Later I found out through the daycare provider's ex-boyfriend, that he had overheard conversations between them about how they were going to get an OFP on me so I would lose my job and house, in turn I wouldn't be able to get custody of my son. This was later brought to the attention of the Judge, but he wouldn't even hear it. The OFP was just a tacticle move as she came down near my home on several occassions and I live on a dead-end road.

The custody trial was 4 days long just as the first one was. I presented solid evidence to show she was not even home half of the time, let alone caring for this child. At best, giving her the benefit of the doubt, I would be at least equal in the primary caregiving role. I hired a guardian ad litem to help the judge with custody issues since the state did not have enough funds to provide one. My wittnesses were neighbors and people she worked with. Three were nurses themselves. When using an OFP as a determinent for custody, he has to appoint a guardian for the well being of the child. However, it was specifically stated in my OFP that there was no evidence of any effects on the child or that he had wittnessed any behavior associated with this. Clearly this was a statutorial mistake on the part of the Judge. Furthermore, the guardian's report had testimony from my other two sons that effectivley told what went on in the home. Her wittnesses consisted of her sister that lived with us for 6-8 weeks during clinicals and her drinking friend neighbor who didn't even live in the neighborhood during the last year of my son's life. One co-worker who had been to the house twice and the fully vested daycare provider. All of the medical evidence for my son indicates that I, on nearly all occassions, took him to the doctor for well baby check ups and illnesses. Her checkbook register was altered to cover up some of the many alcohol purchases. This was brought to the judges attention with no consequences. Furthemore, the daycare provider, who is fully vested in this litigation as was proven by letters between attorneys, submitted two entirely different affidavits during the proceedings. Legal personnel even testified to the perjurous activity of this wittness. Again no consequences. My son was withheld from me during three days surrounding the OFP hearing even after the Judge ordered parenting time for me. He was taken to a location four hours away. After trial and before the motion for new trial, my son was abducted by his grandfather at the daycare during my summer visitation. This was brought to the attention of the Judge at the hearing for the motion of a new trial and ammended findings. No consequences again and there was even a police report and admission by the grandfather that he was aware that I was suppose to have the child. No charges or consequences again. The Judge did not make detailed findings as required under the law. He stated that the stability of the home was not a factor, nor was the fact that he had two other brothers that lived with him half time. We went back to court to ask the judge to at least order that the holiday schedule be flopped so all of the siblings would be able to be together on holidays, but he wouldn't even do that. If the Judge was trying to send the message, don't come in my courtroom with another woman, I got the message. Surely one cannot fault a father for fighting for his son. Why should my children be punished for me making poor choices in women. I had no idea that either of these women would become promiscuous and drink to the levels that they did. This Judge recently awarded her a move out of the state when and if she chooses to accomodate her career. She wants to be a nurse practicioner. They make the same in Minnesota as they do in Idaho. She could get free schooling here also, so there is no large fiancial gain to offset the emotional disturbance to these children.

At this point, I am torn between the decision to take this to the appelatte court or not. I am so tired of fighting, but part of me says I have to fight on for my son, I have a good case. I have depleated my finances and this local Judge would have a say in the amount I would have to put up for the supercedeous bond at the appelate level. Clearly many of these issues could result in a favorable decision on appeal. Most assured when reading the findings that have no explainations, I would at least get it remanded for detailed findings. At this point I am having the daycare provider charged with perjury and the grandfather charged with kidnapping and deprivation of parental rights. I am looking for any advice on good appelate attorneys and any help in the forms of info, legal and financial that I could get to proceed.